As the world prepares its collective hands for a Monday full of high-fiving, Paris Hilton, set to begin her 23 day jail sentence on Monday, is readying her aesthetic troops for an full-scale assault on her head.
Sources say the jail-bound heiress has ordered a hair and makeup team to meet her at her Hollywood Hills home at 9 a.m. Monday.
It’s understood that the glamorous inmate-to-be plans to turn the perp walk into a catwalk, and she wants the media to see her looking her best.
“The timing is to make sure she makes all the celebrity weeklies,” an insider says.
“Paris is a genius at marketing herself. She managed to turn having a sex tape to her benefit, and she’s going to do the same out of going to prison.”
But the pal observes: “It’s not just about marketing, it’s about making money. If she can set up her entry into jail in a very grand way, the payoff will be greater.”
Hilton is also said to have decided to write a prison diary during her 23-day sentence, for publication upon release.
She’s been proven a porn star, an STD patient, a racist anti-Semite, a drunk driver and now an inmate. Were almost anyone else the perpetrator of such a laundry list of offenses, they would have been excommunicated from polite society months ago. And yet, Paris Hilton not only survives, she thrives. She makes profit from hopeless situations. She is a modern alchemist and she is a human cockroach. In the event of nuclear winter, when the corpses and rubble are all covered in ash, and any semblance of authority is long gone, Paris Hilton, completely clean and wearing heels, will click-clack down the barren streets of Rodeo Drive, salvaging whatever Chanel handbags she can. She will go on without us. It’s officially impossible to stop her. Submit.